City City Bang Bang - Weekend Pay Cut

Triggered by the abnormally high rent i am currently paying here, i had gone into an auto-save mode, saving a penny where there wasn't any. While i had not drastically cut down on my food, my friends swore that they could count my 200+ bones without the help of an x-ray, when i last met them two weeks ago. While the taunting had not stopped there, it had successfully made its way to the long hair that i had fashioned.

Paying 15$ for a cut was something i'd do anything to postpone; and postpone i did, trying hard to make my long hair look like a fashion statement, except that it looked more like wild grass painted black.

After the disaster with the group photo last week, which i had enthusiastically shown it to many friends, and quite a few of them replying back asking me whether i was in the photo, i decided it was time for a haircut.

Walking down the road, 15$ clutched in my hands, i entered the saloon.

Barber : "Hello Sir, please have a seat"
hmmm...I surely will if you let me take it with me, for the money i am losing !

after a 5 minute wait, the barber was ready.

Barber : "Please sir....ready for you now" (directing me to the chair)

Gingerly i sat on the chair, calculating how much i'd end up losing, and hoping the stock exchange would sky rocket and the rupee would strengthen, so that i'd end up losing a bit lesser. After a mental calculation i arrived at 650 Rs. I guess that's the total amount i would have paid for a lifetime of haircut in India, and it didnt seem like this barber would be using golden scissors to cut nor like he would throw a buffet lunch after the haircut, in my honour.

Barber : "What would you like to have sir"

He sounded like those hotel waiters in bangalore who would usually come and ask
"Idli vade, dosey, uppit.... ivathina thinDgi ge....yen beku ?"

I thought it was an offer for beverage or snacks; brightening my eyes and planning to eat like a raven, i turned back to look at him...

Barber( a bit taken-aback) : "...what kind of haircut, sir ?"

Rats !!...i had no idea what kind of cuts they give here. since the time i started going alone to the barber's shop as a kid, i've been telling him the only word i knew in cutting "short". Before that my cousin who used to take me to the barber, used to mention "tennis ball cut" to the barber....well it didn't help my facial features but it sure made the barber's job easy.

Me : "Short" ..i answered abruptly, as though he would charge me for talking too.

Barber : "and then ?"

Me : "hmm...that'll all i know" ...thinking that the barber was tricking me into asking a hair-style that would make me shell out another 10$.

Barber : "Ok, short it is..."

meanwhile, i saw a few photos, hung on the wall, of models with different hairstyles. while i didn't want it to look like i asked for a specific cut, lest he bill me for that, i decided to take my chance

Me : "What are the choices that i have ?"... I love USA for that, there is a choice for anything under the sun.

Barber : "Well, there isn't any choice with your hair, Sir, it'll all stick up anyway, but i'll do my best"

oh yeah, threw it on my face didn't he !

After 15 minutes of torture, i was finally freed from his clutches, when i accidentally saw the rates for a haircut...the board said "12$".. much as i could not believe my eyes, i was happy to find that this barber wasn't that greedy after all.

Barber: "Your bill is 15$ sir"....and started typing it into the machine, when i interrupted him
Me : " Is it including the tip ?"
... i had heard that we need to tip people here in addition to the amount paid for the haircut, and 3$ for a tip was absurd...one greedy barber this one...

Barber: "It'll be 16$ then sir, thankyou"
Me: "!!!....hmmm...but the board says 12$ for a haircut !"

looking a bit amused, the barber turned to me and said :

"You have come in a bit too early for that discount sir, it's for senior citizens above 62 years of age"

Me : blushing...handing him the 16$...

I jetted out of the shop, promising myself to not make a moron out of myself the next time around.

Penny wise, Pound really foolish...

City City Bang Bang - Part 1

City life brings with it a bag full of surprises that never seems to get empty. Having to live an almost independant life in this city was not something i had prepared for when i boarded the plane 2 months ago. The city is still a maze for me. Often on the wrong side of the road, literally (In India, it's right hand drive you see), it has been rather difficult to get the hang of the system here. Driving is one less thing i do not do here. Both an advantage and a disadvantage at times, it gives a lot more fodder to write though :)...

Being used to a city with a growing population, it took me some time to digest that my current city has a population of about 6000 ....hmmm, yeah, now 6001, a far cry from the 5+ million i used to deal with back in Bangalore. At first i thought this city was a small layout i was living in. In fact it is so small, i wont be surprised if some residents actually park their cars in the adjoining city, and have tea at home in our city. Take a reverse in your car and you are off city limits :D....the other day, while driving to office, we had to take a detour and unfortunatetly took two wrong turns and crossed two cities !

A small city, however, has its advantages, and that is you know everyone :D....almost every shopkeeper knows you, and every stranger is your friend. The lady at the burger shop nowadays does not even wait for my order, and shouts out an order at the sight of me, "One Veggie roll, Robert !".. :), or the doctor down the street who greets me with a 'Namae-stay !',who once rather excitedly told me that he worked for a year in Manipal Hospital, when i told him i was from Bangalore.

Local Newspapers are the funniest. Sunday headlines usually shout out loud, telling readers about a kitten called winky lost in the nearby wood, or how Daniel maintains his lawn by watering it every evening. Breaking news usually scale up to 'Mayor to pass city today, residents excited', and brings up some buzz to the sleepy city.

My accent has been a problem here ever since i landed. While i am pretty happy with my accent, it is rather difficult for many here to get it though. More often than not, i am usually seen repeating a sentence again and again for the person to understand. People find it especially difficult to get my name, and more so over the phone. Initially i tried to pronounce my name so that the person on the other side could get it.
Once i called a health insurance agent, and she asked
Lady: "your first name sir"
Me : "Jagadish"
Lady: " Sorry, can you spell it please ?"
Me: " j... a... g..a...d "
Lady: "sorry !"
Me: "Deeeeeeee!"
Lady:"ok"
I went again..thinking she lost track
ME:"J a G a D..i... s..... h."
Lady: " ok ...We are not able to find your record here sir"
Me: "can you please read out the name i gave you"
Lady: "it is Y..aye..g..a..B...i...ess..hetch.....yagabish !!"

Grrr....what rubbish !

Me: " no no, it is j a g a...d... i... s ....h.. j for john...aye...g.... a..... D for hmmm(trying to recollect some name here, and couldn't find one, so)...Dog... i.. s... h"

Lady: "sorry sir, i am not able to get it, here is my fax number, please send a fax with your name in it"

Me:"!!!...ok"

I have long given up pronouncing my name over the phone, so usually when people ask me my name over the phone i go straight like "J-for John, aye, Jee for god, aye, D for dog, i, ess, hetch".

Having to use all possible transportation, i often find myself asking people for directions. Some politely say 'Sorry, i do not know', and some even have walked me to the place in a few cases. On one instance i had to reach a place urgently, and had spent a good time circling around it and yet was unable to find the place. After looking to see if anyone was around to help me, i found an elderly man sitting on a wheel chair in the lobby of a building. Doubtful i went to him and asked him :

Me : "Excuse me, can you tell me where is Pocono road ?"
Man : "Sorry, i could not hear you"
raising my voice, i asked the same question
Me : " I need to go to Pocono road"
Man : " Sorry, i could not get you"

I thought the pronunciation problem had come back to bite me again.

Me: "I have to GO to PO CO NO road"....going slowly.... on my already late appointment.
Man: " Sorry, I still cannot hear you"

by now i was yelling the address out
Me : " POCONO !!, POCONO ROAD !"

The man calmly replied
"Sorry sir, i cannot hear you, I cannot hear anyone "

Me: stunned to silence

Man: " Do one thing, go to the first floor of this building and ask the lady there, she can hear"

looking up , i found to my horror the sentence "Center for speech and hearing" in small golden letters etched on the building. sigh !

Nodding is another problem, which i thought i didnt have until people started getting all the wrong signals. Well like many of my fellow indians, i too nod my head sidewards, as though the head was balancing on a pin. Drives people nuts like crazy here :D.

My first day at the client's office was very enlightining. after the meeting, i was speaking to one of my new teammates and discussing what work we'll be sharing,

teammate : "ok i'll take up this one, can you take this?"
I nodded, shaking my head sideways.
teammate, looking a bit startled, "Ok, i'll do that too, which will you do then ?"
me:"I'll do the one you told me to take up", i repeated.
teammate, looking even more startled, "are you sure ?"
the work didnt look like it would bite my neck off half way into it, so i gave a matter-of-fact look, and said "yes", and nodded sidewards again.

by now he was completely floored, lost for words, and finally blurted out "ok pal, you make up your mind soon i'll be back in a minute" :D

more of the city later..

By the way, this city rocks away, in every way :)